Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ehryn's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
8:43 pm	because I'm avoiding cleaning I got paid! huzzah!  Always a good feeling to get paid.  And it was nice that I only worked one week this time around.  I think I'll work till the next paycheck and then call it quits for the summer.  I want to be at home.  I want to have no excuse but pure laziness for why I don't run during hte day.  Not that I'm too tired after working seven hours (even that one is pretty bad).  I had such high expectations for this summer.  Like always, I ruin them by being a lazy stick-in-the-mud.  So many expectations for the summer ruined by employment, busy schedules, and loafing.  Where's an undo button when you need it? I know this summer wasn't a complete loss.  It just feels like it. Current Mood: tired Current Music: "I didn't steal your boyfriend"-Ashlee Simpson (Comment on this)
Friday, December 29th, 2006
12:02 am	I just figured it out I realize that people have been telling me this the WHOLE freakin time.  Well, maybe not everybody, but enough people who care about me that I explained the situation to and now I realize it for myself.  I need to leave it alone.  I need to focus on ME.  I shouldn't worry about other people.  I should to a point, of course.  It's when my day is ruined because I fret or worry about something I have no control over is when I need to let go. Letting go...  I don't know why I've made it so hard for myself.  We're not babies.  We're adults.  I can handle myself just fine.  If other people can't, then it's their problem and all I can do is try to point them in the right direction and help them back up IF they fall on their own butts.  I just didn't want them to fall.  I wanted to hold on to the seat of the bike AND hold the handle bars, while riding my own bike.   My dad said that life is like a train, and you choose where to sit on the train.  You are either in the front taking in every experience head on, in the middle, following the crowd, or you're on the caboose watching everything pass you by.   I can control MY LIFE.  I say I've done a pretty good job so far.  I have few complaints with how I hold myself.  If some people want to sit on the caboose, I won't drag them to the engine room.  I am here for everyone.  I love you all. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 27th, 2006
2:55 pm	I feel like a real heel Now that the sun is out(and i am no longer a ball of hopelessness) things just feel so much better! At first, I despised the jacket, I'm not going to lie. I saw it as a hint that I am not appreciated the way I am. I was being all self-absorbed and morose(is that the correct term? maybe I'll think of a better word) and that jacket became this ideal that I could not obtain or did not even want to obtain. As the sun started feeding my body on Friday (and Kristin mentioned that "your leather jacket would look great with a hoodie under it") I realized that it wasn't meant to stand for the idea that I needed to change, but that I have potential. Potential to look classy? yes, that jacket can make me look very sophisticated and important. But it can easily become a comfortable overcoat for a t-shirt and jeans.  That jacket is not going to change me.  It may make me look nicer, and it may mean that I can't go play in the mud when I'm wearing it (and how often do I do that anyways?), but it doesn't mean that I can't fit in to the genre I thought I was supposed to fit into.  I really am thankful for such wonderful parents who provide for me.  and wonderful sisters who know when to say something about my outfits.  And the sun for helping me pull my head out of my butt. And you may think this is all about one stupid jacket, but it's not.  it's a load off my chest.  And that's always good. Current Mood: thankful Current Music: Natasha Bedingfield (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 25th, 2006
1:19 am	there's no place like home for the holidays It's been so long since my last entry. For various reasons I have avoided putting my life down in print. I guess I don't want to realize that I have nothing to say. My sisters are slowly trying to get me to be more stylish, less sloppy, less frumpy. And I appreciate it. I feel like it is a lost cause though. I don't feel too motivated to do anything about my current state. I would like to dress nicer, but I just don't see the point. I like being low maintainance, low key, and comfortable. I feel so out of my element when I am not wearing a t-shirt, a hoodie, or some jeans. I don't want to look nice and yet I do. I like compliments, but I feel awkward when receiving them. I don't know what to do with myself when i look nice. It feels like I can't be myself, but a poster child, representing something that's not me. I do have an idea of what I want to look like, and I don't think it's what Kristin wants. I want to be a cowgirl. An urban cowgirl. I want the urban and the country to blend on me. I just don't know how to do it and be me. I thought my major would define me. I feel like my family is defining me. Or telling me how to define myself. I don't know. I came home in a funk. i should have been happy receiving that nice leather jacket, but it only made me sad. It's like they don't even know me anymore. They're trying to change me. Why? (Comment on this)
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
2:50 pm	Oh yeah And my coach has been acting like a total Nazi lately. Communication? None Understanding? None Nit Pickyness? PLENTY Absolutely ridiculous! I am serious about my training. Maybe I didn't run as many miles as I could have this summer, maybe I do jog slow in betweent mile repeats, maybe I do have too much fun at practice and I "goof" too much, but that doesn't mean I don't take it seriously. I want to be the best team in the ODAC as much as anyone. She should know that I want to be better. I've improved so much since last year, and I didn't even realize it. She realized it for me! But she doesn't hear what I have to say. Yay for team captains who stand up for us little guys! We'll see what she says in today's meeting... Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Super Tramp (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:32 pm	Tramps like us, baby we were born to run Tomorrow is the first day of fall. I will be racing tomorrow in my brand-spanking new spikes. I love them. We will be racing at Roanoke College (If you aren't busy Joel, come visit!) I am spending WAY too much money for the income I am making (~$24 a month) Gas has dropped to $1.99 at Bridgewater. That makes me muy excited. How sad is it that a liquid can determine my mood? So far, school is keeping me busy, but i am happy. It does make me sad that my free time has dwindled down to about an hour that I use for naptime. Okay, so that's a lie, i have way more free time than that, but I feel like I have no free time. Same thing... Current Mood: worn out Current Music: Picker, a gritter, a lover, and a sinner... (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
9:59 pm	Darn you, Cutie! This has been one crazy summer. So many good times... So many WTF?!?! moments... So many regrets... I wish I had made more money. I should have just worked until seven so many days, for costa rica, for school books... I wish I had run more... I didn't even run 300 miles this summer. I'm not burned out, thank goodness, but I definitely don't think I'll have improved from last year. We'll see. I wish I didn't have to complain I really am glad to be going back to school. I just hope it's glad to see me. Have you missed me BC? Cuz I've missed you. I sure have. Current Mood: nervous Current Music: The Road to Eldorado starring John Wayne (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 27th, 2006
11:55 am	Roller Coaster- of Cross-Country This week si going in ups and downs. I feel stronger, but mentally, I feel like I'm going to break down. Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them. Take away their super soakers. Punch 'em in the nuts. It's only fair, after they get you three times in a row in one day. Then soak your room and take your toothbrush. Boys are stupid. I want to be away from them. Except for Dustin and Conner. They're my buddies. But every other boy. Go away. Let me run. I want to go eat now. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
8:34 pm	running camp, here we come! I'm so excited! I am actually excited about running camp! I think me and aimee will have a great time together, doing the sister-bonding thing! yayayayayay! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 16th, 2006
11:35 pm	Take the opportunity Man what a craaazy weekend. Pretty much my favorite weekend :-) I got to do lots of fun things with my cousin from W.Va, and I went a swimmin' in a water hole, I got new clothes, I received $25 in the mail, and I'm pretty much awesome. I win! Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 1st, 2006
8:53 am	we're going to the beach! Huzzah! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
8:53 am	Oh this cold keeps getting better and better... SARCASM With the beach trip only a day away now, my upper lip has decided that it's average size is no longer satisfying and has decided to start swelling to give me an asymmetric beak. I look like a freakin' turtle. I have taken a benadryl (which has become my second third constant companion in my purse, next to my wallet, and my chapstick), in hopes it's hives-related and that the swelling will grow down. Possible theories of what it could be: -a fast growing zit... inside my lip -an unknown collagen inplant -a bug bite that I just...didn't... notice??!?? -a vein in my lip about to explode any minute!!!! Yes, my life just keeps getting better and better. At least I had some delicious ice cream tonight. I highly recommend everybody go to South Point in Massaponax and find the Cold Stone Creamery. If you like creamy, authentic ice cream with tasty treats mixed in, this is the place for you! I feel sorry for the lactose intolerant. I feel the cold going away, and the benadryl kicking in... good night. Hopefully the next entry will be a more positive one. Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Mozart (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
7:55 pm	If my cold wasn't enough for you... How about a nasty attack of hives? Sunday evening after getting back from watching a movie with my family (Cars is such an awesome movie!) I notice that my arms won't stop itching. I look at them and I find that my arms are red, splotchy, and have little bumps on them. I wash my hands, thinking it's something on my hands that have irritated them and go to bed. I get up on Monday, my arms, and my legs are itchy, but I run, take a shower (scrubbing extra hard hoping that it's just something I've rubbed on myself and will wash away), and go to work. At work, I realize that not only do my arms itch, but my legs, my stomach, my head, my neck, and even my armpits itch! I see everything getting all splotchy and bumpy an I'm thinking, "How the hell did this happen?" I am slightly panicked, and everyone keeps teasing me about fleas, I call my Mom and she comes over to look at me and she says, "I'm going to go get you some benadryl." She brings me some, I take two tablets, desperately desiring some instant relief and in fifteen minutes, the itchiness fades, I still look like a splotchy mess, but I'm not itchy, but man do I feel tired. As soon as I get home from work, i crash on the couch, hoping I just need a nap to bring me back to normal. I slept from 6 to 6 and got up and ran, still itchy and splotchy. And what was worse about yesterday, was the fact that one of the hard drives in our computers died, so a tremendous amount of information is gone. I think my dad almost developed an ulcer yesterday, it was driving him mad, and I'm standing next to him, trying not to fall asleep from the benadryl. It's been quite maddening around the murphy house-hold. And I wouldn't mind punching my cousin in the face. He drives me crazy!!! I wish there was a cure for immaturity! Current Mood: sick Current Music: Dust in the Wind (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
7:51 pm	I'm feeling quite sick The one day I get off and I'm sick. I had a fever yesterday and I worked through it. It's always when I want one that I never have one, and then when I don't realize it, I have one. What's up with that? So I cleaned my room a little today, and by cleaned, I mean I picked up all of my clothes and put them away or i threw them inthe laundry. I want to go back to school. But not until I pick up some sweet cash from work. I don't hate work as much as I used to. I realize that it's not cut out for me in the end, but I can live with it for a few more years, definitely. Especially since I make eight bucks an hour. It's about time I made that much money since I've been working there for about four years now. I pretty much tell everybody what to do... hahaha, and by everybody, I mean myself. I tell myself to be productive, which isn't always the easiest things to do, but when I get eight hours of sleep and I get my run out of the way, I am pretty happy with my day. I didn't run yesterday and i'm not running today though. I feel bad about not running, but I don't think running would be beneficial. And I have to keep looking at the calender thing to show myself I still have well over eight weeks of running left of the season. The reason for my convincing is because I keep feeling this panic rise inside me, telling me that I need to run or I'll be as slow as next year, and then I'll get kicked off the team, and then everybody will hate me. I need to write letters to people, I need encouragement. I will do that this weekend. And my family's going to the beach this year!!! HUZZAH!! It's the first time we've gone to the beach with my family since I was going into eighth grade. It makes me happy. Ewww sickness. It makes my attention span pretty much non-existant. So good-bye. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 12th, 2006
11:29 am	I saw a dead squirrel while i was running at Loriella yesterday. It looked like it was just laying down for a nap, but when I jumped over it, it didn't budged, I was quite unnerved that a squirrel decided to just lay down in the middle of a path, but I didn't want to stop and inspect it, so I just kept running uphill. It's the first time I've been to Loriella in a year I'm pretty sure. I forgot why every team in the region hated our course. I think it has something to do with the fact that the course is about 90% hills. All I wanted was to go for a six mile run, but it became a struggle to maintain my stupid heart rate after about five minutes after running the course. It was quite upsetting for me to see my heart rate jump up from 150 to 180 bpm in a matter of seconds the minute an incline came into view. I burned a lot of calories, which usually excites me, but that was not the goal for yesterday. Especially since yesterday was supposed to be my recovery day, not a make up for my lack of running on Saturday. The reason for me not running on Saturday was because my beautiful, smart younger sister graduated, and I had to get up at 8 to get ready and be distracted among other things. The ceremony, in my opinion was frivolous. When I graduated last year I believed this, and definitely sitting in the bleachers, listening to screaming babies and chatter-heads, I believe in this whole-heartedly. Oh, I suppose I'll go to my children's graduation, but he or she better give a speech or something. I realized some things yesterday. I want to raise independent children, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to let them get away with murder. I want to be a good parent. I just hope my child wants to grow up to be a good person. How crazy would that be for my child to become the exact opposite of me? I don't know why I'm talking about having children. I'm no where near ready for having a child emotionally or mentally. Talk about me being obscure... Right now I'm avoiding the disaster next door. I fear the thought of tackling the mess that is my room. How does one person get SO MESSY??? i just threw clothes out, among other useless things, but my room has proved that even with less crap hanging around a mess can still occur. OKay, everybody disregard this entry, it's a gloomy day and I'm in a gloomy mood. I am not this obscure in real life. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Always look on the bright side of life- Monty Python (Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
10:24 am	waaaarg! My room is still a mess! And whatthecrap there is DRAMA in my house! Of all the places! I'm going insane! I don't want to be stuck at work and I don't want to be stuck at home all the time! There's nothing to do in Fredericksburg! Thank God, I'm going to my friend's house for the weekend. I really need to get away from all this, even if it is just a weekend. I just wish my room would become magically clean upon my return. I hope Ryan Hannifan makes a speedy recovery from his surgery. I would hate for him to be stuck inside all summer long. I anticipate running. Will I actually get up in the morning to go run? Will I have to do midnight runs? I always liked those. I wish my mom wouldn't freak out everytime I mentioned those. Speaking of Mom, she needs a vacation too. If we all hung out somewhere besides my house, we'd probably all get along so much better than we are right now. We'd probably get to see Aimee every now and then too. :-/ Current Music: Kansas and Boston- AT THE SAME TIME! HUZZAH! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
5:36 pm	I'm not even home for a day and I caved in. I'm working Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week. I'm starting work tomorrow! I haven't even really unpacked or anything and i already suckered myself back into the Pit of Despair. I asked for it. I want money. I can get paid this Thursday and at six-fifty an hour from ten to four-thirty... over a hundred bucks! Huzzah! Money! I'm not looking forward to working, but I need to see the silver lining... Money... Think money... I'm getting paid to suffer... and I'm not suffering all the time... I can do this, it's like pulling teeth, just get it over with... So much mental preparation needed! I tried to make all these plans with people so i can get hours off from work. I hope it works. I got a letter in the mail. From myself. When I was in Eighth grade. I didn't think I was ever going to get it. I thought about it when I graduated from High School and then it went away again. crazy stuff! Good times. I'm glad to see that I really was a loser and I'm glad to see that I haven't changed a bit. :-D Current Mood: determined Current Music: Rilo Kiley (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
1:42 pm	I have a granola bar in my hand it makes life difficult when i want to type. i am getting granola in my keyboard. that can't be good. i am procrastinating. i finished my granola bar. it was quite tasty. i can't recall what i wanted to say. i will comment on the ABUNDANCE OF ANTS IN MY ROOM. that severly ticks me off. i have a valley of death in front of my refrigerator where they were trying to get to the food inside and i called in the infantry (bug spray). I kinda want to leave them there so as to warn their fellow ant mates what will happen if they try another attack. I keep calling them stupid, but if they were so stupid they wouldn't have found my fridge, now would they? Why am I such a fickle person? I'm like "aw yay" one day and then "ewww no" the next. I think I use people too. Not like "using" using where I borrow their stuff or something, but I use them like a safety net. I guess in my occasional "desperations", I give the impression that I need somebody, only to find that I am perfectly satisfied in myself, and feel disgusted by their clingliness. I can't say I'm like that with everyone. I value many people's friendships, and I am grateful for them. I don't know why I do what I do. I often find myself looking up at God (assuming He's above me and not below me) and asking all those lovely little w- questions. "what the crap?" "who the heck?" "When in the whatzit?" "WHY?" I don't normally ask where, because I figure I'll get there and I don't care. I shouldn't question, but I do anyways. I don't doubt, I just wonder... I mean, it's not even about me. It's about Him. Who cares what happens to me, because it's all about His glory. I am thankful for life, I am thankful for what I have been given. I try to share my joy with others, and I'm always hoping for the best. The trials haven't even started yet. What am I worried about... new goal in life: try not to be so shallow. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: julia's music (Comment on this)
Friday, April 21st, 2006
10:23 am	Nobody on Bridgewater Campus has super glue. It's like no one believes in it or something. The ONE time I really need it and I can't get any. Crazy kids with your lack of super glue. School is almost over and I dont know what I'm going to do with myself. I am already feeling the lazy side of me take over. All i want is for fall to come around again. Can we just skip summer and assume that I ran everyday and that I'm a beast at running- and a rich beast to boot? pretty please? booooooo Current Mood: tired Current Music: birds chirping (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
10:18 pm	AVOIDING part II I just ate the worst-tasting chocolate bunny ever created. My stomach is rolling. I guess I'm spoiled by Dove. Sigh what I would give for some dove milk chocolate. I think I ate too much chocolate tonight though. I'M GOING HOME TOMORROW. I have all these great plans to do stuff before my parents come pick me up. I'm going to go run, clean my room, get all my clothes ready for the journey along with other stuff I'll need while I'm home. Then I'm going to get some research done for my persuasive speech. I'm actually going to get an A on this one. I'm also going to discover the cure for cancer while I'm at it... I set such high aspirations for myself. I made a difference in someone's life. I potentially saved someone else's life. I'm on a roll. I love biology. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: jazz (Comment on this)